Distant
by MK fanfiction contest
Summary: Written as a participant of the GOA's fanfiction contest. As a warning, it is quite a cold piece overall. An introspective look on a certain introverted character...


**  
  
Distant**  


  
  
_You must learn to be dedicated and responsible._  
  
He straightened, staring straight out onto the battlefield. His eyes were blank and cold, his face was expressionless. Anyone watching wouldn't believe that he had thoughts or feelings. But then again, anyone watching would soon be defeated.  
  
_You must understand yourself and the others around you.  
  
_He didn't try to be cold. It was baffling why anyone in their right mind would, after all. In truth, he never tried to be anything: he just was. He was cold, yes, but that came naturally to him. He was quiet. He was calm. These were the things that defined his character. And yet, there were times when he broke out of the mold. He knew that sometimes he grew angry, grew frustrated. Even, at times, upset.  
  
But those were errors that needed to be fixed and nothing more.  
  
_You must not show your weakness to the enemy, or they will see it and use it against you.  
  
_He dodged a blow from his opponent narrowly, flipping backwards and landing far enough away to clearly understand the scenario. He heard a voice in his ear, apprising him of the situation, and he was grateful. The battles were more difficult now, after all; mistakes were much less common in this battle simulation. This was to be expected, of course. He wasn't a child anymore, and neither were his opponents.  
  
He frowned ever-so-slightly as he ducked under another attack, but his expression soon went blank once again. He jumped up and took an offensive stance, proceeding to attack his former aggressor with a quick uppercut and a kick to the legs. He succeeded, but barely; his foe nearly escaped his assault.  
  
That wasn't acceptable. He cursed softly and continued his attack.  
  
_There are no excuses for failure. Failure does not happen. Failure is admitting that you are not good enough, and you are **never**_**** _not good enough.  
  
_The battle was over. He had won by a narrow chance, something that could almost be considered a fluke in the system. In a hand-to-hand fight, he would have won by a more significant margin, but it was different in a battle simulation. There were more factors to be analyzed in a simulation. And in an actual battle, the factors were so great that he wasn't always sure if he would win at all.  
  
But so far, he had won. He had prevailed against his enemies. He succeeded in doing what no one had believed possible for him to do. He was winning, not only in the physical fight, but in the mental one as well. He was not going to be destroyed.  
  
After all, failure was unacceptable. Failure did not happen.  
  
He had failed once before, and his entire world had been destroyed, with only one person left around to remind him of his failure.  
  
He wasn't going to fail again.  
  
_You are not a child any longer. You are a man, and as a man, you must understand and bear the responsibilities of a man.  
  
_He walked away from the other pilots, as he oftentimes did. He did not wish to share in their trivialities; his thoughts were focused on things besides what was to eat and the latest gossip. He didn't need to listen to the other boys talk to understand them completely.  
  
They were not like him. They did not seem to understand how serious it all was, how devastatingly important it was that they _do not fail_. They understood well enough, he assumed, or they wouldn't have survived as pilots, but they did not know. They had not seen what failure could do. Or, if they had, they did not show it.  
  
They were not like him.  
  
_You won't give up, you won't despair. Despair is for the weak, and you are strong. You are **never** weak.  
  
_He never avoided his companions on purpose. If they stood near him, he wouldn't move away; instead, he would merely ignore their presence until they either left or decided that he wasn't going to engage in conversation. It was when his fellows began to speak with him that he grew aggravated; most times, they wouldn't think about what they said before they blurted it out for the world to hear.  
  
And this, in his culture, was considered extremely rude and unthoughtful. Thus, he was displeased by it, and when they did it, he left.  
  
They didn't seem to understand why he felt that way. Perhaps, for some of them, it was caused by a remarkably different upbringing. With others, it was probably just shortsightedness. In any case, they were unnerved by his constant silence, and they stayed away from him as much as they could.  
  
He didn't mind this, of course. If he had a choice, he would stay away from them as well.  
  
_Family is important. Never forsake your family for your own thoughtless desires. To do so would be selfish and cowardly. To do so would be weak. You are never weak.  
  
_He was not alone.  
  
If he was alone, perhaps he would have felt resentful towards the world. He might have even become angry at his fellows for not knowing him, for not realizing all he had been through. It would have been a darker path for him, as well as a dangerous one. To be constantly angry would be like inviting pain upon one's person.  
  
But he wasn't alone, so he wasn't angry. He was cold, yes, and silent, but he was not angry. At times, he was even pleased with his life, though those moments were few and far between.  
  
The person in question, the one that stayed with him, was the one person who knew of his previous failures. If she held it against him, she didn't say, and he was pleased for that. She did not judge him as the others did, she thought before she spoke, and she knew him as no one else ever would.  
  
It was for her that he kept himself in check. It was because she was there that he did not grow angry at the world. She was the reason that he knew where he stood and where he was going.  
  
And it was for her that he fought.  
  
_You do not fight for anything but yourself, your family, and your home. You do not fight for your desires, for money, for women. You fight for yourself. Doing otherwise would be weak.  
  
_He sat, meditating.  
  
It was quiet in his room, as it should be. He disliked it when one of the pilots would barge in and interrupt his time, because it caused him to break out of his solitude. Luckily, his companions knew this, and rarely did one of them enter. If they foolishly did, he made sure that they left immediately.  
  
He was calm. The battle simulation had gone well, as he had expected, and so far, he hadn't been called upon to participate in a more serious battle. He was pleased by this, for he never looked forward to actual battles. In real fights, the factors were tremendous, the odds of winning were lower, and suddenly, the chance of surviving was at risk. He wasn't afraid of death, but he didn't welcome it either. He saw what death did to the survivors.  
  
And he wouldn't wish that on her.  
  
Thus, he vowed that he wouldn't die, if only to make sure that she grew up to be a strong woman. After that, he would be willing to disappear from her life if she wished, though he hoped that she wouldn't do so. She was too important to him for him to just forget her, though likewise, she was too important for him to disregard what she wanted. If she wanted him gone, he would leave.  
  
But until then, he would survive. He would fight.  
  
And he would not fail.  
  
_You are **never** weak.  
  
_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_OWARI_  
  
-- And if you don't know who this is, you need to watch a few more Megami Kouhosei episodes. ^_~


End file.
